Is there a reason to feel like this
First of all, i am NOT suicidal, i have NO urge what so ever to kill myself or to even hurt myself. I am a happy, outgoing, fun guy. Why is it though, that when i am driving into work or on an airplane, i secretly hope for a crash? It's more than i'm okay with dying. It's a very odd feeling that has been with me for a few years now. For the most part, i lead a happy life, i have a beautiful wife that i love and a decent job. It's hard to discribe, but i secretly hope that a meteor will land on my head, or i'll get sideswiped crossing the street, or some other completely random accident. maybe thats overstating it... it's somewhere between HOPING it will happen and being OKAY with it happening. Is it just curiosity about whats after life, or am i suicidal and dont even know it? Has anybody else had this sensation. again, i AM NOT suicidal and cant fathom hurting myself...i cant stress that enough...
Answer:Okay, here goes an obvious phsyco-analysis....You are experiencing what is called an unconscious need to relieve undo pressure. While you look at the brighter side of life and fill happy and full filled, you secretly want the pressure to sub-side. If you could escape you would...it is called the "fight or flight" syndrome..We all have it, some run away from their lives, some do drugs, some find religion, some take it out on their loved ones, ect. So, what you are really seeking is relief from the pressures of life. There are lots of choices out there..exercise, a hobby, counselling, religion, ect. Find a way to let off a little steam..it's okay to let it out, just do it in a healthy way. Good luck and keep up the great work...you're gonna be fine.
Perhaps you are rehearsing for a possible disaster. You say you are somewhere between hoping it will happen and being okay with it happening. Maybe you would like to know how you would handle some kind of disaster. Maybe it is something you fear and thinking about it happening and being okay with it helps to ease the fear.
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