Is it normal to become enraged at being percieved as a tortured soul

i suffer with a chronic mental illness, borderline personality disorder. i live in my own small flat on benefits and have never worked in all the 16 years ive been suffering with this. ive never made any friends or managed to form any relashionships with any girls. i have very low self esteem. im often daydreaming about the life i would really like and are angry and gutted that things have turned out like this. i wish i lived in another existance somewhere else with happiness, security, friends and relashionships. for a start i wanted to emmegrate from the uk and wish with a passion i wasnt here. i dont mind empathy, from genuine kind people, but i hate to be felt sorry for..grrrr.hate that. the other day i phoned the samaritans helpline at 3am as i awoke from a nightmare and was in the grip of a terrible low depressive mood. i spoke to a patronizing. condesending, yorkshire woman samaritan. she made me feel like i wanted to smash her head repeatedly against a brick wall. she said

I suffer from some problems too and sometimes wind up calling various crisis hotlines (I have severe chronic anxiety disorder).

If you get someone you don't like, just thank them and say goodbye and call another line. They're just volunteers there, they have personality defects like anyone else. Not every one of them is helpful, but no law says you've got to keep talking to someone who isn't doing you any good.

Emigrating is probably not going to be a lot of help. You can't leave the problems in your mind behind, unfortunately. Emigrating requires so much work, energy and throws your life into so much chaos for so long, that it's a lot more likely to make you feel worse and possibly a LOT worse in a strange place. I've done it and took over one year to recover from that.