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health advisory Hospital Mental Health 2007-11-15 19:01:20

my brother has cristisized me for over 10 years. I have tried to stand up for myself, but he looks at me like I'm weird, will tell me I am making a mountain out of a molehill and treats me like I am WAY to serious. It has gotten to the point where I can't even perform daily tasks without hearing a voice cristisize me for taking the wrong turn, going in a longer line up, etc... is this a noraml reaction of mine? I only see him a few times a year... but he has been like this since high school. Why has this affected me so badly?

Answer:

Your brother has become the mirror by which you view yourself. We all know that mirrors can give distorted images. You have to learn to measure yourself by your standards, not his. And make an effort to improve in those areas in which you feel you fall short.

Some brothers tease their little sisters with these jibes because they have a natural tendency to pick on younger siblings, and since you're a girl, he can't get physical with you, so he plays these mind games. You might try during a time when this is not going on to talk seriously with him about how much this disturbs you. Or better still, write him a letter with the information you gave above. I'm sure that deep down he loves you, and will try to break this habit once he understands the effect it is having on your life. Good luck.

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dude ur bro has some insecurities that need to be vented somewhere else. and it affects you cuz all u hear is negative stuff.

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you are way too concerned with what your brother thinks and not enough concerned with your own self image. You are the only one capable of criticizing yourself and making it stick, so perhaps somewhere inside you, you agree with the criticisms you hear. If that is the case, you are also the only one who can change what and who you are or do. So stop trying to blame your brother or anyone other than yourself for what you think, and work on improving your self image and what you chose to accept from others. If you need help, get a therapist to assist you in mapping out a plan to acheive your goal.

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It is not normal for anyone to be severely criticizing someone nor is it normal for anyone to be severely criticized over a period of time. Maybe you have accepted your brother's criticism as part of your normal life that is why you are putting up with it. Stay away from him, and even if you see him a few times a year only, tell him off. Be ready to answer his criticism by preparing your answers way ahead and by creating humor out of it. Tell him you are UNIQUE.

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I think that is perfectly normal. We all have "self talk" that we do inside of our heads. That talk can be influenced by our experiences.